Narissa was told she may only live until somewhere between the ages of 15 and 25.

By the time she reached her late twenties and early thirties, she had not only exceeded that life expectancy, she had completed university, built an independent life, worked professionally and achieved goals that had once seemed well beyond what others expected for her.

Then she found herself facing a question she hadn’t necessarily expected to have to answer:

What now?

I first met Narissa when we were studying IT together at university. Years later, she came back into my world through the work I was doing with Bob Proctor, and since 2019 she has been a client of mine across almost every program I’ve taught.

When we sat down for this conversation in 2024, I knew I wanted Narissa to share her story because it is an extraordinary example of resilience. But what I love most isn’t that she has exceeded a life expectancy or achieved things other people may not have expected of her.

It’s the way she has continued to ask what else might be possible for her life.

Refusing to build a life around somebody else’s expectations

Narissa was born with spinal muscular atrophy and diagnosed at around 18 months old. Her parents were told she may only live until somewhere between 15 and 25 and were essentially advised to take her home, love her and enjoy the time they had.

Fortunately, they didn’t raise Narissa according to that expectation.

She was encouraged to get out into the world, enjoy her life, have goals and be successful. In 2004, with very limited government funding available to her, Narissa moved to the Sunshine Coast, completed a university degree and developed her own model of self-directed support to sustain her independence. She went on to work in IT management, establish businesses and become involved in advocacy and leadership for people living with disability.

Then she reached her late twenties and early thirties and realised she was still here.

She had achieved meaningful goals and broken through barriers that had once existed around her. But her body was also beginning to deteriorate physically, and the question was no longer simply whether she could exceed the expectations that had been placed upon her.

It became what did she want to do with the life that was still ahead of her?

When the old way forward is no longer available

Around this time, Narissa began following the work I was doing with Bob Proctor.

Her physical capacity was changing. She could no longer use her hands in the way she once had, and even using a mouse for graphic design had become a significant barrier.

Her mind, however, was still active.

Narissa began studying again, strengthening her mind, setting new C-Type goals and looking for other ways of doing things when the old way was no longer available.

I think that distinction matters far beyond Narissa’s circumstances.

There will be times in all of our lives when something changes and the way we have always done things no longer works. A business changes, a relationship changes, our body changes, an industry moves, a chapter ends. The success that once motivated us no longer feels like enough.

At those points, it’s easy to allow changing circumstances to create a contraction in our thinking.

But perhaps the more useful question is:

If I can’t move forward in exactly the way I have before, who do I need to become to see another way?

This is why I believe so strongly in continuing to feed and develop your mind. As our lives grow and change, we need new ideas to help us see beyond the thinking that created our current circumstances.

When you change, the people around you think differently too

One of the most interesting parts of Narissa’s story is that the work she was doing on herself didn’t remain personal for very long.

She recognised that although her support team were very good at what they did, collectively they had stopped setting the bigger goals. As Narissa began challenging her own thinking again, she began challenging theirs too.

She shared what she was learning and encouraged the people around her, including her team and family, to reconsider their own assumptions about what she could do and who she could become.

That, to me, is leadership.

The way you think never affects only you.

It influences what your team sees as possible, the standards within your family and the example other people observe.

For Narissa, that influence has become an important part of her work. She wants other people living with disability, and their families, to see that life can include meaningful work, equitable employment, relationships, marriage, family and whatever goals matter to that individual.

Sometimes seeing another person do something expands what we can imagine for ourselves.

Mindset doesn’t mean pretending life is easy

For Narissa to get up, into her chair and ready for her day takes approximately three hours and the assistance of two people.

She doesn’t gloss over that reality, but she also doesn’t allow those three hours to determine what the rest of her day, or her life, gets to be.

In our conversation, she described that process as a fun part of her day because of the mindset work she continues to do with her team. Once she’s ready, she turns her attention towards the advocacy, leadership and work that matters to her.

Working on your mind isn’t about denying reality or pretending difficulties don’t exist.

It’s about developing your ability to decide what your circumstances are going to mean about what happens next.

Narissa has continued doing that in very practical ways. Having an assistance dog was a dream she’d held since she was about seven years old. Today, Max plays a significant role in her independence and wellbeing, including alerting her husband, Steve, when she needs assistance at night and helping her perform small but enormously important tasks.

Something she had imagined as a child ultimately became part of the practical support that allows her to live with greater independence today.

You never reach the point where your mind no longer needs feeding

Towards the end of our conversation, I said something to Narissa that I think sits at the heart of her story.

She keeps doing the work.

Narissa has been studying with me since 2019. She hasn’t learned about goals, paradigms or self-image once and decided she’s finished. She continues to put herself into environments where she is exposed to new ideas and encouraged to think beyond her current circumstances.

Because all transformation requires new ideas.

For Narissa, the effect of that continued growth now reaches far beyond her own life. It influences her family, her support team, the people she advocates for and those who see her example and begin imagining something more for themselves.

Her circumstances are uniquely hers. Yours will be completely different.

But all of us have expectations placed upon us. Sometimes they come from other people. Sometimes they come from our past. And sometimes, after years of success, we become the person placing them on ourselves.

Narissa has spent much of her life exceeding expectations, but I think the more interesting part of her story is what she chose to do once she had exceeded them.

She continued to set goals, develop her mind and create a life that was hers.

So perhaps the question isn’t simply whether you’ve achieved what you once thought was possible.

Perhaps it’s: What do you want now?

I hope you’ll watch my full conversation with Narissa Niesler. There is so much in her story about resilience, leadership, possibility and the importance of continuing to work on yourself, regardless of the circumstances you’re working with.

Watch my conversation with Narissa Niesler →

Ready to work on what’s next?

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